Post Vacation Blues

Coming back from vacation is never easy. After almost an entire month away from site (including vacation and then training in Namaacha), it has been a bit of an adjustment back. I was fine coming back to my latrine, my bucket bath and cooking for myself again. I might have even missed all that a little bit. I was greeted by neighbors and co-workers who said I had disappeared and they missed me. And all three of my site-mates, Heather and the two German volunteers, have gone. The Germans finished their one-year contract, but will be replaced by two new volunteers at the end of the month. And Heather finished her two years in the Peace Corps (she was in Chicumbane just five months). It has definitely been a little tough getting back to the swing work-wise. Upon my return, I found that much of what had been planned for when I was gone, had not come to be.

My supervisor at the hospital had hoped to unroll a new process for organizing files that we had been working on for a while. I had a feeling it wouldn't happen while I was gone. Unfortunately I was right. We are still trying to get it into motion.

My first couple days back at CACHES, it was just myself with a handful of kids. Granted it was school vacation and was a community-wide campaign to have boys over 10 years of age circumcised so a lot of boys were preoccupied with that. But still, I was slightly annoyed to find out that while I was gone, there hadn't been any regular meetings, no one had filled out time-sheets, no progress was made on two projects and our regular schedule of activities was hardly upheld. Womp.  One of the CACHES volunteers told me that nothing happens while I am gone. Frustrating to say the least. And not sustainable at all. And if that is the case, I started to ask myself, what have I been working on here in Chicumbane for the past year?!

Over the past week, we have talked about having a meeting at CACHES to get things back on track, but we have yet to do so. After spending some time trying to rally the troops, we could still not come to a consensus on a good time to meet one night. Nelio and I started to walk home and I think he could tell I was pretty frustrated because he asked me, "Mana Colleen, qual e seu papel como voluntaria?" "What is your role as a volunteer?"

The kid was right.

What is my role as a volunteer?

A year in, I needed a reminder.

I tell myself over and over NOT to invest more time and energy into something than my counterparts. To NOT let myself want it more. But, am I actually heeding my own advice? Or am I just setting myself up for frustration? I am a volunteer. I am here to help with the organization. To support their mission. To promote health education and awareness. I cannot do the work of other people. The motivation has to work come from within themselves. It has be intrinsic. Without such motivation, it is difficult to accomplish anything.

The hardest part for me is that I can see the potential. The opportunity. The benefits to the work we set out to do at CACHES. The struggle is getting it to come to fruition. The lack of motivation. People not showing up on time. Not showing up at all. Not coming prepared. Not being dedicated. Finding other things to do. Having other commitments. Our motto at CACHES is "Onde a crianca e prioridade." "Where the child is priority." While it may be our motto, I am having a hard time seeing that at the moment. But, that is just part of the toughest job you will ever love. Peace Corps. Every day is a lesson in managing expectations and understanding your role. My role from here on out? I will heed my advice, manage my expectations and remain patient. And maybe it is just the eternal optimist in me, but I know that with a little bit of forca (strength), we can get things going again. And plus, we do have some potential projects on the horizon (more details to come in later posts). It just may take some time. But, I guess that's why I am here for two years.